Don't be a Stranger
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: With many diverse religions practiced in Westeros and the lands beyond, how could the gods behind said religions possibly reconcile their differences? Why, through a nice game of cards of course.


**Don't Be a Stranger**

"Come on Stranger, don't be a stranger."

"…"

"Alright, I admit, that sounded strange. But still-…"

"Sod off."

The Stranger knew it was unlikely the Maiden would do such a thing. She'd been pestering him ever since the card game began. And since she usually folded, her time was free to pester the last of the Seven to join in with the so-called fun.

"But Stranger, if you just-…"

"Sorry, I've got some paperwork to file," the death god lied. "There was this red wedding recently and-…"

"Come on, it can wait. It's not as if anyone's going to be resurrected or anything."

There was just no stopping her, the Stranger reflected. Mortal men cowered in fear at the mere mention of his name, and the majority of the faithful tried to forget that he even existed. Yet apparently that had no effect on his compatriots or the other gods that had joined the table.

"Fold," said the Other.

"Fold," sighed R'hllor.

"I'd crack a joke at my buddy's fire going out," said the Drowned God. "But fold."

Cackling, the Crone drew in her winnings. She was as ugly as she'd been throughout eternity, but at least she had wisdom on her side. And wisdom usually resulted in victory.

"Last game then?" asked the Father, ignoring the disparaging looks of the Mother. "For new time's sake?"

The Stranger watched and listened to the chorus of affirmation, drowning out the Mother's insistence that they needed to turn in so they could be ready to receive worship and, if necessary, dole out reward. Watched as the Maiden gave him one last look before joining the table and taking a seat between the Smith and the Warrior. Watched as the Other and R'hllor glared at each other while the Drowned God mentioned something about salt in wounds.

_Bloody waste of time._

Sooner or later, reality would sink in. Sooner or later they'd have to go back to being gods. Sooner or later either R'hllor or the Other would no longer be able to come back to the table. The Old Gods had stopped coming to the card games long ago, still fuming about the whole burning down of forests and small issue of genocide. Given what was happening in the mortal realm right now, it was a miracle that the Seven were even letting their rivals come to these card games anymore.

"You know, we really need another guy here," said the Maiden suddenly, as she took her cards to her breasts, a six and a nine located close together. "I mean, if our friend joined us, we could have ten. Double digits and all that."

"Forget him," R'hllor said, leaning over. "He's a death god. He'll just say not today."

"It's night," said the Stranger, walking over to the table. "But my answer's the same."

"Ah, take a seat," grinned the Other. "The night's dark and full of terrors."

The Stranger opened his mouth but R'hllor beat him to it.

"Not for long, pal. Sooner or later my champion-…"

"Please, spare me," said the Other. "You think there's going to be a happy ending to this sad little story?"

"Shut up you-…"

The Father slammed his fist on the table. All eyes turned to him.

"Rule two," the deity murmured. "Don't forget it."

The Stranger smirked-rule two in these get-togethers was to not discuss religion. Second only to rule one, which was to not discuss politics.

"Well, let's get this show on the sea," the Drowned God said, breaking the tension. "As in…you know, the road…thought it was funny."

"It wasn't," the Warrior assured him. "I-…"

"Last chance," the Maiden butted in, glancing at the Stranger, as if enthralled that he'd come so close to the table. "I mean…it's been so long since we've had this many players on a single night, it would be great to-…"

"I'll play."

The Stranger hadn't said anything. But as with everyone at the table, his eyes (or rather sockets…go figure) turned to the new arrival.

_I don't believe it…_

The Black Goat of Qohor.

"Seven hells," the Smith exclaimed.

"Language!" exclaimed the Mother.

The Crone cackled. Maybe she'd seen this coming or something.

"The Black Goat," R'hllor said, getting to his feet. "I…um…"

"Ah, don't worry about it," the goat said, getting on its hind-legs and giving the Lord of Light a brohoof. "So your priests tried to decapitate me. I'm over it."

The Drowned God mentioned something about decapitation and wolves' heads. He let out an exclamation of pain as the Maiden kicked him.

"So, my old friend, what brings you here?" the Father said, leaving the Stranger to wonder when, if ever, the Father and the Black Goat were even friends or even mentioned in the same sentence in the mortal realm. "I thought you gave up after finding it too difficult to hold the cards in your hooves."

"Yeah, well…I had to get out of Essos," the Goat said, getting a seat and sitting next to the Other, who poked his tongue out at his sworn adversary. "Everyone's talking about dragons."

"Acting the goat then?" asked the Smith.

"Hardy hah hah," the Goat said. "But yeah. Needed a break."

"Well, enjoy it while you can," said the Warrior. "It's a song of ice and fire we're dealing with, right? Gotta get the fire from somewhere."

"So?" the Goat asked. "We're getting the ice from the Others and they don't have anyone fawning over them."

The Father cleared his throat. All fell silent. The game was set to begin. And to the Stranger's relief, he seemed to have been forgotten.

_Good. Now I can…_

He trailed off. The Maiden was looking at him. Pleadingly…

_Ah, seven hells._

The Stranger could see she was no card player. True, she'd been getting better over time, but the Black Goat's skill rivalled even that of the Crone. She now had no chance in this realm or any other. The Stranger didn't know what he could do, but…

_I _could _spread the pain out I guess._

Well, what did these gods know of pain? the Stranger wondered. All were worshipped bar the Other, and even _he _got his existence acknowledged at times. He was the death god. Alone. Unloved. He…he…

"Can I join?"

All eyes turned to him. The Goat dropped his cards. The Crone's mouth opened. The Drowned God looked like he was drowning and the Maiden beamed.

"Um, of course," said the Mother, summoning a seat to her side. "Please join us."

Slowly, the Stranger took his seat, opposite the Maiden. She smiled at him. He didn't. Smiling made him look creepy, and since he didn't have proper eyes, he couldn't wink either. Still…he hoped she understood that he was reciprocal to the attention.

"So, you join us," R'hllor asked. "Not that I'm complaining, but may I ask why?"

"What can I say?" the Stranger asked as he received his cards. "Valar morghulis, bitches."

And with that, the game began.

And to the Stranger's relief, no thrones were involved.


End file.
